Losing your virginity can seem scary, and the range of myths surrounding it doesn’t help. While some women may experience pain during their first experience with penetrative sex, you do not have to have a bad time. Talking to your partner and understanding how sex works can help you relax beforehand. By setting the right mood and using the right tools, you can make your first time a positive and even enjoyable experience.

Make sure you are ready to have sex. Feeling nervous about your first time is normal. If you feel tense when you think about sex or when you and your partner are fooling around, it might be a sign that you should wait. If you have sex when it doesn’t feel “right,” you may enjoy sex less and become tense during the act.

  • A lot of people grow up being taught sex is shameful, should be reserved for marriage, and is only to be experienced between a man and a woman. If the idea of sex makes you feel guilty or stressed, maybe you should wait.
  • It is normal to feel insecure or unconfined about your body. But if you are scared or cannot be naked because of how you look, it might be a sign that you’re not quite ready to be with a partner.
  • Don’t feel ashamed of your sexual preferences. Only you can decide who you’re attracted to and what type of sex you want.

Get consent. Make sure you and your partner have openly agreed to have sex. If you’re not sure how your partner is feeling, ask before going forward. Just because your partner doesn’t say “no,” it doesn’t mean you have consent.They should respond with a confident, absolute “yes.”

  • If your partner doesn’t want sex, do not pressure them. If you do not want sex, they should back off when you say no.
  • Consent also means that you shouldn’t do anything that your partner isn’t enthusiastic about.

Locate your clitoris. Women rarely experience orgasm from penetration alone. Instead, clitoral stimulation usually causes them to orgasm. Oral sex or clitoral stimulation before penetration can relax the muscles.

  • Try to locate your clitoris before you have sex. You can do this by masturbating or by looking with a mirror and a flashlight. This can help you guide your partner to it during sex, especially if your partner is also a virgin.
  • Orgasming before penetration may actually help reduce pain during sex. Try to engage in oral sex during foreplay and before penetration. Your partner can also stimulate your clitoris with their fingers or a sex toy.

Take your time. Try to enjoy the moment instead of rushing to the finish line. Spend time figuring out what you and your partner both enjoy. Start with kissing, move to making out, and stick to whatever pace feels most comfortable for both of you.

  • Foreplay can help you relax while increasing arousal. It can also increase your natural lubrication, making it easier for your partner to enter you painlessly.
  • Remember that you can stop having sex at any point. Consent is active and ongoing. You have the right to stop or withdraw consent at any point you want.
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Losing your virginity can seem scary, and the range of myths surrounding it doesn't help. While some women may experience pain during their first experience with penetrative sex, you do not have to have a bad time. Talking to your partner and understanding how sex works can help you...